Wednesday, August 15, 2012




 Yes, that's right.  You’ve been selected to interview the candidates for President of our great nation.  One on one!  No television cameras.  Face to face honesty.  No audience to play to.  No competing candidates to spar with.  Just you and the man.  So what are you going to ask?

I hope to God you are not going to ask him what he is going to do for YOU job-wise or take-home-pay-wise.  I hope to God you are not going to ask him any questions about his economic policy, his foreign policy, in fact, I hope you are not going to ask him any questions about his platform.  Come on, get real.  Do you really think there is a candidate out there who is going to tell you the honest-to-God truth about what he is really and actually going to do once in office?  First of all, there is no way he can tell you.  He has little or no control over what is going to happen once he is in office.  Get real!

Don’t even think about asking him what he is going to do about all the illegal aliens that mow your lawn, cook the food in your favorite restaurants, and frame all the new construction going on in your community.  Come on, get over it and get real!  The Native Americans wanted to throw us out too, remember?  So we killed them!  Forewarned!

Don’t even think about asking any question about health benefits. He doesn’t care about your health or your health benefits.  He doesn’t care about your life period.  Come on get real!  Why would he care?  Seriously, why would he care?  There is no room in a candidate’s life or schedule to care about YOU.

Now notice I am not using the pronoun her.  Now that is an interesting state of affairs, no pun intended.  But what’s with our country that we don’t think a woman can do the job?  And why have we not recognized the many capable women who could do the job?  How about your MOTHER, for one?   

Now here are the questions you are going to ask him.  Well, that I suggest you ask him!  Now, these are tough questions and chances are, any candidate will avoid answering them like the plague.  So you will have to repeat the question broken-record style till you get an answer.  And, of course, you will have a camera rolling the entire time.  You especially want to zoom in on the eyeballs and facial expression as you ask each question.  That initial non-verbal response will tell you EVERYTHING including the unspoken true answer to your questions.

SO HERE ARE THE QUESTIONS.  Rehearse them so you can ask them with conviction.

*When was the last time you drove around town looking for the least expensive gasoline?

*Do you have credit cards or even a credit card and what are your balances?

*What do you use those credit cards for?

*Do you have health insurance and who pays for your health insurance?

*Do you have a job besides campaigning for the president?  And how and how much do you get paid each month?

*When was the last time you went grocery shopping?

*When was the last time your car needed repair?

*When was the last time you had to call AAA and how long did you have to wait?

*When was the last time you saw marijuana plants growing in your backyard?  And how did you handle it?

*When was the last time your teenage kid got picked up for shoplifting?

*When was the last time you attended a parent-teacher conference?

*Have you tried to help your kids with their homework lately, and how did you do?

*Have you ever had an electric bill over four hundred dollars for your home or apartment?  How about over six hundred dollars?

*How much did you pay for the shoes you are wearing?  Would you even consider shopping at Payless?

*When was the last time you gave some change to the homeless guy hanging outside Starbucks?

*When was the last time you sat down on the sidewalk next to that homeless guy to tell him what you’re going to do for him when you become president?

*When was the last time you picked up a prescription and the generic form didn’t do the trick?

*When was the last time you had to wait for days or weeks for approval from your insurance company to have tests to determine whether or not you have a potentially terminal health matter?

*When was the last time your insurance company refused to reimburse for medically necessary treatment?

*When was the last time you went to therapy?  You know, psychotherapy?  How come you’ve never gone?  Not even good ol’ marital or family therapy?  So nothing goin’ on at home?

*When was the last time you had an affair?  Okay, let’s go easy on you.  When was the last time you thought about having one?

*Do you go to church and why?

*Are you saved and what does that mean?  The rest of us aren’t?

*So when was the last time you got a knock on the door to tell you that your son or daughter was killed in action?

*So what will you tell returning combat soldiers about Post Traumatic Stress?  That you’re sure that only a small percentage of them have it?

*Do you ever have a heart to heart with God?  A heart to heart where you just sit very still and LISTEN?  How many times?  How often?  What are your plans for such conversations for the future?

*What has been your addiction of choice over your life time?  Uh-uh.  Haven’t had one is not an acceptable or honest answer!  You don’t get this far up the ladder of politics and not have excruciating stress that drives you to “use” something.

*How did you deal with that addiction?

*When was the last time you screamed at your spouse, at your children, at your coworkers and what was it all about?  And did you go back and apologize and get that situation healed?

*What do you think about sex?  Do you like sex?  How does it fit into your life?  If you become president, how often do you think you will make love each week and to whom?

*What kind of toilet paper do you use?  So who buys the toilet paper in your household?

*How many times in your life and how many times recently have you changed really really nauseating diapers either of your children or your senior relatives?

*Do you have aging parents or relatives, and who’s going to take care of them if you get into the White House?  Are they going to get to stay in the Lincoln room?

Maybe my list of questions will trigger for you, the interviewer, even more relevant questions.  Yes relevant.  We want to know just what kind of person the candidate really, really, really is.  If we have a candidate who is addressing the real stuff of life, then we can have confidence that they can handle the unreal stuff of national and international politics.


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